I have a confession to make… I am a strict follower of Coffeeholicanism*, there are a certain rules that needs to be followed to be Coffeeholic. They are as follows::

1. Must drink coffee daily. (All missed days must be made up for)
2. Must accept coffee in all forms. (ex: plain, flavored, mocha..etc.)
3. Must not limit times for drinking coffee. (You can drink coffee at lunch or even 1am)
4. Decaf is a joke.

(* coffeeholicanism is not a real religion but to be taken as a joke)

Good coffee is rich and delicious all by itself. A well-pulled espresso has a perfect cap of creama- not frothy cream -but the rich brown liquid that is the perfect mix of oils from the coffee bean and hot steam. It should not taste bitter or burnt.Or be it Mocha with a hint of cinnamon or mint to it. Or be it the Irish, no matter what is your poison the key to enjoy a coffee is

“It should be sipped slowly, like a good wine, and enjoyed as the magic caffeine stimulates the brain and eases the nerves”

I must say the recent coffee shop culture is a blessing in disguise it is the place where you find young and old. Being a avid coffee sipping maniac that I am I have encountered an array of species who come to coffee shops.

SPECIES TYPE: Yuppy housewives.

CHARACTERISTICS:

  • A jumbo trolley filled with groceries
  • With a child (ranging from new born to 12 yr old)
  • Constantly chattering about the rising grocery prices or some neighborhood gossip.
  • Would usually prefer mild- coffees like latte or cappuccinos.

AGE GROUP: Late 20′s to early 40′s.

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SPECIES TYPE: Writers/techies/ work-a-holics.

CHARACTERISTICS :

  • They are usually alone or in a group of 3-4.
  • Majority of them are single and most importantly have minimal or no life. You always find them discussing work or furiously “pounding” the keypad of the their laptops.
  • Their Laptops will mostly have a nick-name.
  • Their choice of coffee would be usually large cups of black coffees.

AGE GROUP: 20′s – 30′s, or the time till they get married.

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SPECIES TYPE: Wannabe

CHARACTERISTICS:

  • Zilch knowledge about coffee, for him a coffee from a road-side vendor  and a coffee shop tastes same.
  • Cribs about how expensive is the place
  • Dresses so colorful that a color-blind person would sue him.
  • Constantly LOLing, banging on the table, in short trying to grab some attention.
  • NO Matter which coffee they order they would like it to be extra sweet and then make faces while drinking.

AGE GROUP: As there is no age for stupidity, the same way there is no age for this Species.

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SPECIES TYPE: LOVE- BIRDS/ EYE-CATCHERS

CHARACTERISTICS:

  • Every place is their love-shack.
  • You find them cuddling together even if its 40 outside, holding hands, necking, sharing a quickie ( I meant kiss, but I like the way you think).
  • Strict follwers of PDEA* Group (*Public Display of “Extra” Affection)
  • Feeding each other.
  • These species generally prefer anything with word “chocolate” in it.

AGE GROUP: Typical College goers to first timers.

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SPECIES: COFFEE PHILOSOPHERS

CHARACTERISTICS:

  • These people enjoy sitting in coffee shops and discussing philosophy.
  • deal with existential or absurd(Ref. Camus) theories or discussions.
  • not well educated in philosophy in that they are more exposed to Modern and Post-Modern philosophical works, as opposed to Ancient or Scholastic thought.
  • These species know their coffee and mostly stick to the same.

AGE GROUP:  Mostly 20+

Statutory warning: I need to say this else I will get sued. The above work is piece of facts and fiction and is loosely and mostly based on the actual events encountered in a  coffee shop near you. If you are reading this, it means that you have read the entire stuff and agree to it.

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